Prayer

Still craving more prayer. After changing churches and plugging in with a new group of people, I still don't feel any more challenged to pray like I ought to. I mean deep, intense prayer. Prayer that goes beyond acknowledging or thanking God - the kind of praying that evokes change and grows the intimacy with my Heavenly Father. 

The kind of prayer that leads me out of a bad relationship and into a right one, eventually leading to marriage.

The kind of prayer that cancels my urge to drink alcohol and dances me into praise and worship in my heart.

The kind of prayer that guides me in my decision-making; especially right now, as, that's all I do all day. I make decisions for myself but also for another living, breathing, helpless person. It's a burden I am not meant to bear alone. Things which may seem trivial, like whether to supplement formula when the desire of my heart from Day 1 has been to provide only breastmilk for my child, are difficult and extreme in my little world right now and I need the Lord. 

But how am I supposed to come to Him in any given moment when I can barely complete a thought these days, much less a prayer?

I've wondered for years how parents, moms especially, are able to have a "quiet time" and I'm realizing something. The importance of the Word in my life and heart has not changed. But the method of delivery may have to. When once I was single, then married but childless, I was able to spend about as much time in prayer as I felt led to, and I must admit I might have passed a smidgen of judgement over those who used their children as an excuse to not do things, especially read the Bible and pray! 

Now. I. Get. It.

I can barely complete a load of laundry for all the feedings, diapers & baths, playtime with froggie and lion, holding my baby while he sleeps, and I'm realizing that intimacy with God is not measurable like the number of pages in a book, or minutes spent in solitary prayer. It's unmeasurable, but very existent. Like when I lay my hand on my baby's head and utter a wordless prayer from my heart to the Lord's, praying purity and faith and respect and godly fear and kindness and all the fruit of the spirit.... praying that over my son. A 3-5 second prayer right now feels as powerful as the hours I used to spend. God is cool with "time" like that.

Or when baby and I have our morning praise time with David Crowder, Darlene Zscheck, Hillsong, Kari Jobe, and so many more.

Releasing all guilt.

Changing expectations for myself and my spiritual life right now. Someday I will wish to be this busy. Someday I will crave my child's needs when he no longer needs me.

And God is here, in the midst of all of this. And so I follow 1 Thessalonians 5:17 and pray continually.

Buzz! Buzz! Video monitor...there's the baby!