Final Week....

As I prepare for this coming week, I am overwhelmed by the amount of paperwork I have to do. But I have been reminded (and not in a pleasant way) that these children are PEOPLE. And regardless of how many of them have treated me all year, I have a responsibility to finish the year representing my heavenly Father's love to each and every one of them. I'm afraid yesterday did not go so well. I'm admitting this to anyone who reads this as a stern reminder to myself that Monday must be different.

This has been a really tough year for me. I have felt constantly overworked and even confused, having to switch back and forth between two similar subjects, and it has not been fun for me amidst all of the behavior problems and fighting and the general sense of entitlement that so many of our students have grown to encompass. I am tired. I want to be done. I don't even want to finish. But... I know I must.

So today, I will go to my classroom and I will finish grading papers and I will get done what needs to get done, like I always do. But my joy was never restored. I prayed and I begged for my joy to be restored. I don't understand it. I wanted to love my job. I wanted to get up each morning and look forward to going to work. I didn't want to be one of "those people" I used to chastise. And yet, here I sit, on a beautiful Saturday - and I'd even rather do HOUSEWORK than go do my responsibilities. Not normal for me. :( It's so disheartening.

But I will finish and I will find some love for these last 4 days and I will be the woman and the teacher that God needs me to be for these babies next week. And then we'll see. And then we'll see.........