Being Alone vs. Being Single

My friends came by my house last night - the guy wanted to talk to me about something. He said he heard me voicing my concerns the other day, about living alone and being scared to be in my house by myself. I started laughing and said, "No, no no, you misunderstood! I actually like being alone and I don't get scared... :) What I was complaining about was being SINGLE. I had this money saved up and I was contemplating buying a house all by my wee-little self, and I didn't have anyone to share it with. So that's why I invited someone to live with me." He said he understood... then proceeded to talk to me about home alarm systems (that he's selling, of course) - it's probably something to look into except that I HATE home alarms. I have had bad luck with them in the past, always setting them off accidentally (several times at the houses where I was babysitting, ugh) and they just seem to be more of a hassel than they're worth. But I will think about it.
The funniest part was that even though I am a very independent single woman, and I actually like my alone time, what my friend heard me saying was that I was afraid to be alone. Maybe that's how it came across. I don't know. I'm not a "fearful" person... ok, ok, except for roaches but that's a different story! But really, I love science fiction, I laughed through Blair Witch, and I've slept 3 nights in a row in my house with virtually no worries about my personal safety.
But I do so want to be married. Not for the security part - we're past that point in my life. I done did it already. he he he. I am officially a grown-up and I take care of my stuff... and I get a lot of help from my parents, but I could do it alone. I'm just glad I don't have to. I want to be married for the friendship part (and the other part, duh!) and that's when it hurts to be "alone" - when everyone else seems to come in pairs, and all I want is to be connected to somebody else in a way that lasts forever. I'm trusting God on this one, and you know what? Right now wouldn't even be a good time. My life is crazy right now, with the house, the new classes I'll be teaching, and a new friend in my life and in my house!

My friend Erin is on her way, right now, with a truckload of stuff to fill her room in my house. My heart overflows with the blessing of a new friend-girl in my life, an amazing, godly woman who seems to be excited about knowing me! I think we will grow together and I am looking forward to having a "little sister" in some ways and a "big sister" in others. She's only 23, but she's already getting her Master's and she's going to be a school counselor this year. I'm almost 30, with only my Bachelor's and I've finally settled into a job I can stay with for a long time. I have more years than her, but I think I can learn a lot from her, as she has been seeking God's will for her life for a long time, and for me it has been more recent. That is why I think we will be great "roomies" as well as friends. We will have accountability with each other, as well as fellowship. Fellowship is something I don't really crave, but God has been telling me that I need more of it in my life. Not to shut out people so much - get away from the computer and my own selfishness and spend more time with God-seeking friends. The more I do it, the more I crave it. In a recent sermon, I heard this message: God wants us to fellowship with each other, and Sunday mornings aren't enough. (I think I paraphrased)
So..... I have to get ready. Erin will be here any minute! YAY!